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January 9, 2015

Post-Olympic Boston an Anarchic Wasteland of Despair
by WomenInComedy - 1

Kenmore Square, Boston, 2027

By Marcia Baker, WICF

January 9th, 2027

Boston, MA — As predicted by a large number of Bostonians, hosting the 2024 summer Olympics has led to a complete collapse of the metropolitan Boston area. Once a center for education, medical research and biotech development, Boston is now a barren desert of roving gangs and feral children. Though a rousing success, the Olympics caused Boston to immediately go bankrupt, taxed the inadequite infrastructure to the point of no return, and caused mass hysteria and psychosis due to lack of parking spaces for locals. 

Says former Professor Joshua "Slit" Garrison, "Before the Olympics, I was teaching linguistics at MIT and training for triathlons in my spare time, now I'm firing missiles from a makeshift helicopter on a daily basis to fend off attacks by rival gangs looking for gasoline."

Garrison firing from his helicopter

Garrison (left) in 2015 and (right) in 2027

Joanna "SlaughterFrau" Duggan of South Boston comments "My biggest worry before the Olympics was digging my car out in the winter and putting a chair out to save my parking spot. Now I have to put a head on a stake to get anyone to respect the boundaries of my property." She pauses to scare away a wild dog with a baby's arm in its mouth by hitting a bat against a trash can."So what if they set several new world records at the games. Where does that leave us? Literally up shit creek", she continues, pointing at a creek full of human shit.

The Olympic Stadium, built expressly for the games, has been converted to a colosseum-like steel-cage jousting arena dubbed "Thunderdome" where residents fight to the death for food.

Leslie "Dagger" Sorrento, a former public school principal, holds out little hope. "A few years ago, I was worried about our children and their complicated relationship with technology and social media. Now I'm just worried about them decapitating me with a boomerang.

A post-Olympic child
"The opening ceremonies were wicked cool though", remarked an unidentified couple while roasting a baby on a spit.


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