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January 20, 2015

What Has Cheese Ever Done For Me?
by WomenInComedy - 0

Besides bringing me unbridled joy and something to wrap my mouth around on a Friday night

By Brittany Meyer, WICF Guest Blog Contributor

Brittany Meyer
[Brittany Meyer is an FSU graduate, Chicago resident, arm wrestler and comic. Just so we're clear, everything she knows, Yeezy taught her. Follow Brittany on and]

I'm not gunna sugar coat this because cheese is not best served that way; I love cheese. If you're a reasonable human, you love cheese. If you're a dog, you love cheese. If you're a mouse, you're stereotyped to love cheese. If you're lactose intolerant, your life is sad and I bet you love cheese anyway.

Cheese is the partner you've always wanted but never thought existed; you put in a little time remembering it at the grocery store and you can have it damn near any time you want. Cheese is never busy doing anything except aging and subsequently becoming more delicious. Cheese is dynamic--it can be sweet, savory, spicy, tangy, salty, creamy and revitalizing, it's the Leonardo DiCaprio AND Daniel Day Lewis of food. It always has time to be there for you (in the cheese drawer) and is readily available at most places. Cheese is unlike any friend you've ever had.

Cheese was always a big deal to me at various house warming parties, work socials, and holiday cocktail parties. Did you ever go to a party and know no one? I bet there's someone you do know....Mr. Bellavitano. Sometimes he's sweet, sometimes he's draped in balsamic, which ever way you meet him, he's got a good story for you and you're going to have a good time. And what's that? He's got friends on that cheese plate he wants to introduce you to? Sounds to me like you just got in with the IN crowd.

For as long as I can remember, cheese has been important to me. My mom is a terrible cook and I was often forced me to scrounge up my own dinner; this usually lead to a buttery, gooey, crisp, grilled cheese sandwich fried with TLC and a sense of accomplishment. I never lost that "baby weight" because of these bad boys but it was still better than my mother's grilled cheese sandwiches since she never fried them, she always toasted the bread then melted the cheese between them in the microwave, like it was f*cking amateur hour or something.

Since moving to Chicago and becoming an “adult," I realized quickly there are few joys in life and you really have to savor the small things. You know what brings me joy? Cheese sales and cheese samples. Go to the largest Whole Foods near you and just take that shit in. $3.99 double cream brie at Trader Joe's? How can it be THAT good and THAT cheap? Beats me, but it does pair nicely with a $1.99 baguette and three-buck chuck.

Now, I feel like I'm painting a pretty wide-eyed portrait of cheese…but this isn't to say we didn't have problems; like all healthy relationships, we had our ups and downs. When I first moved after college, I went on so many terrible job interviews and was so poor there were many times I thought I was going to have to move back home because I was completely under-qualified for everything I applied to and my temp job barely paid me enough to cover rent. Once, I came back from a really horrible job interview and the only thing that made me stop crying was remembering goat cheese existed—not that I even had that cheese in my fridge, just that it's a thing. Suddenly, things didn't seem that bad. If goat cheese with cranberry preserves existed, I wanted to exist too. I wiped my tears and got back into the job hunt. I had all the support I needed.

Through our hard times and all the great times, I am grateful for all the things cheese has done for me; and while doctors may disagree, cheese has been the healthiest relationship I've had. If nothing else, I'm glad I have found something that brings me so much joy, something that makes life just a little more savory and the world a little better. Cheese, if you're reading this, I hope you know how much I care about you and I'm planning something special for us on Valentine's Day.

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